My dad is downstairs watching the harry potter series for the 1st time screaming and i go to check on him and he says ” YOU’VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME THEY DON’T KILL THE EVIL LITTLE BLONDE LESBIAN FROM THE SNAKE HOUSE BUT THEY KILL DOBBY? WHY DOBBY. THIS RUINED MY CHRISTMAS.”
little blonde lesbian from the snake house
one time i was walking across the courtyard and some kids were clustered around where the seagulls always are and then this kid fuckin GRABBED ONE OUT OF THE AIR and i was literally so fucking amazed but all his friends were like “tyrone put that shit down” and “again tyrone?? really??” which is even better because it means he was a habitual seagull catcher
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY, CUNTFLAPS! WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID MY YMCA HAD ONE OF THESE FUCKERS. KIDS LITERALLY HAD TO BE TIMED SO THEY DIDN’T TEAR EACHOTHER’S PRE-PUBESCENT DICKS OFF FIGHTING OVER THIS SHIT. FOR FIVE WHOLE MINUTES YOU WERE QUEEN BITCH AND EVERYONE ELSE WERE PLASTIC CHAIRLESS SCUM MOTHERDICKER, IT GOT SO UGLY THAT SOMEONE GOT BANNED FOR FIGHING OVER IT SO THEY SNUCK IN DURING RECESS AND STABBED IT TO DEATH. THEY MASSACRED AN INFLATABLE SEATING OBJECT BECAUSE THEY COULD NO LONGER SIT IN IT FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES. SHITS FUCKED UP I’M FUCKED UP
People are asking me if I was the one who stabbed it to death
Keep your snoopin heads out of shit you can’t handle
Here’s the mini I made for Genghis Con! It came from a joke I made on twitter a while back about dogs and wi-fi.
I still have some physical copies of the book left so if you’re interested in buying one, send me a message or email or something. There are a lot of ways to contact me.
how utterly delightful!